What can I do with a friend in need?
June C asked:
I have a really close friend that recently snapped this year. Attitude towards family gone…the urge to have *** with her boyfriend (and possibly some prostitution here and there) and has been put into this mental health place. She’s been my BFF since kindergarten and it hurts me so bad to see my best friend transformed into this depressed and sexually desired ****. She writes sad, dark, depressing poems and is into drugs. I’m the only one out of our friends that hasn’t given up on her or thought of her as “a lost person trying to find herself”. I know that she’s weird, but she’s like my sister. I just don’t know what to say to her. I want to say comfort, warm and encouraging things to help her get through this, but I can’t just SPIT IT OUT. I ask her about her drug issues and *** issues and boys but she says not to worry about it and she can handle herself. She’s only 14. Now that I’ve moved, I can’t do anything but tell her words of advise over the phone or myspace. I sometimes cry in my own misery that I’ve experienced this at a young age. I just thank god she hasn’t showed up at her Granny’s pregnant. She says no one understands her but me but even I sometimes have a hard time keeping up with all this sneaking around and failed drug tests and late night “ex boyfriends” coming over to try and have ***. I just can’t deal with the lies, the hurt, and worse of all, her safety. She’s atleast tried to commit ******* several times. Self harm is what worries me the most. She’s done everything to try and either KILL or make herself bleed out her anger she has for her family and anyone else that she hates. Scars…everywhere. Sends shivers down me everytime I mention it. I really need some help. I turn to people on Y! Answers for good servise to help me in this situation and nows the time I really need it. Please give me your most thoughtful answers. Thank you.
I have a really close friend that recently snapped this year. Attitude towards family gone…the urge to have *** with her boyfriend (and possibly some prostitution here and there) and has been put into this mental health place. She’s been my BFF since kindergarten and it hurts me so bad to see my best friend transformed into this depressed and sexually desired ****. She writes sad, dark, depressing poems and is into drugs. I’m the only one out of our friends that hasn’t given up on her or thought of her as “a lost person trying to find herself”. I know that she’s weird, but she’s like my sister. I just don’t know what to say to her. I want to say comfort, warm and encouraging things to help her get through this, but I can’t just SPIT IT OUT. I ask her about her drug issues and *** issues and boys but she says not to worry about it and she can handle herself. She’s only 14. Now that I’ve moved, I can’t do anything but tell her words of advise over the phone or myspace. I sometimes cry in my own misery that I’ve experienced this at a young age. I just thank god she hasn’t showed up at her Granny’s pregnant. She says no one understands her but me but even I sometimes have a hard time keeping up with all this sneaking around and failed drug tests and late night “ex boyfriends” coming over to try and have ***. I just can’t deal with the lies, the hurt, and worse of all, her safety. She’s atleast tried to commit ******* several times. Self harm is what worries me the most. She’s done everything to try and either KILL or make herself bleed out her anger she has for her family and anyone else that she hates. Scars…everywhere. Sends shivers down me everytime I mention it. I really need some help. I turn to people on Y! Answers for good servise to help me in this situation and nows the time I really need it. Please give me your most thoughtful answers. Thank you.
July 18, 2009 at 5:00 AMlol o
tell her change if she doesnt tell her gtfo
#147
July 21, 2009 at 3:24 AMBrandork
tell her exactly what you just wrote to us. send it in a message on myspace. tell her how much you care and want to comfort her.
#148
July 21, 2009 at 3:52 AMGrenadine Pala
Sometimes in life no matter how much you want to you just cannot help people. Please don’t let her drag you down. You are kind and thoughtful and caring and her problems are huge. She is in need of extreme help and professional care. All you can do is take care of yourself and be a good role model. She’s bent on self destruction and only skilled mental health professionals can hopefully get her to turn her life around. She also needs a lot or prayers. You may have known her for a long time but it may be time to let her “go on her own way”. I’m sorry but she is serious trouble.
#149
July 22, 2009 at 3:34 PMAlex
well, i’m sorry to say that there is not a hole lot you can do about this situation now that you have moved and cannot talk to her in person
however, all you can do is talk to her over the phone or myspace if you prefer.
you need to tell her how you feel, and how shes making her friends feel because im sure they all are worried about her too
if she doesnt pull through which, sorry i doubt she will because shes 14 and dont listen, shes going to continue her life as she pleases.
my main focus before everything else though would be the ******* factor, the only thing again would be to talk to her OR tell her parents or who ever is in charged or her and get her someone to talk to
good luck:)!
#150
July 26, 2009 at 2:12 AMweir_kicking_ass
If she really has spiraled badly enough that she’s in a hospital then hopefully she’s getting the mental help that she needs there. What you can do is make sure that she knows that you love her no matter what. Be there to talk to her on the phone, talk to her about regular life things that you’re doing and let her talk about any treatment that she’s getting, but try not to let her wallow or use you as a bouncing board for the things that she doesn’t like. Unfortunately all that you can really do is make sure that she knows that you love her, say it a lot and often, if she’s going to get better, then she’s going to have to do it herself.
You can’t fix her. You can be there for her.
#151
July 27, 2009 at 5:17 AMViolet R
Tell her to grow up. Everyone has their own problems to deal with, and she needs to stop pushing stuff onto other people and ruining their lives also.
#152
July 30, 2009 at 3:30 PMDarby
This is so sad and you are kind and brave to stand by her, but as you well know, she needs help. It’s an excuse for her to say no one understands her. First off, stop worrying about her because you can’t control what she does, you can only control what you do–feel, act, etc. It’s hard to know when your are “helping” or “enabling” unacceptable behavior. I would suggest calling her Granny, but unless you have some kind of proof, your friend will deny it and then you’ll turn into the bad guy. So, stop worrying, be there for her, pray and turn it over to the Lord. Enjoy your young life and don’t take on other people’s problems no matter how much you care for them. I don’t know how you could kindly say to your friend, “Have you every thought of therapy, because you don’t know what to say but maybe a professional could help.” I don’t know, but don’t let this weigh you down.
#153